Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
