If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize