Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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