Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
