that's an acceptable place to lick
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
