I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize