the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
