Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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