He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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