glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
