Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
