I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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