What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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