Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
