I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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