im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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