Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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