How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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