matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize