just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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