your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
