after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
