They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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