i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
