Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
