i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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