Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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