I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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