so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
