Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
