I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize