god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
