forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
