My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
