Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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