After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
