I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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