She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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