I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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