i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
