i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
