I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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