That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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