i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
