Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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