my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Less talking, more tequila
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
