he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
