My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
