By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
