I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
