Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
