Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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