CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
