what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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