for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
