3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
