Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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