You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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