I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
