Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
