I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
