Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
