sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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