If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
