TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
