do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
