I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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