; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
