Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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