You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
