member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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