sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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