i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
